Month: August 2017

Diary of a Seasoned Life – Coping with a Death

It should be safe to say that all of us have lost a very dear loved one or friend in our lifetime. As we get older, it seems more frequent. My first memories of loss would be that of my grandfathers. Both of them passed away when I was under 10 years of age. Today I only remember being around them when they were alive and what was endearing of each one instead of the funerals. Children are often more resilient in dealing with loss than adults.

As I got older I had to learn to deal with grief after losing my grandmothers, beloved pets, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, and my father. Losing a spouse, child, or beloved parent can be some of the more devastating experiences. Many people deal with grief differently. There are some who do not deal with it at all.

Men tend to fall into this category most often. They may feel that showing any emotion is showing weakness or they mask their pain by staying busy and ignoring the hurt. Most grief experts emphasize the critical importance of a man’s awareness of his own grief, his conscious relationship with it, and his ability to feel it. A man needs to allow grief to move through him so that his natural energy and innate masculine power will not be blocked and withheld, both from himself and the world.

Most people just want to know how to make the pain go away. To answer this, I have to quote Dr. Laura Schlessinger. When she is asked from callers how to get over the pain of loss, she says, “I can’t cure normal. The pain you feel after losing someone is normal.”  You have to feel it. You have to learn to cope with it. In time, the pain will become less and less. It just takes time.

Having a support mechanism is crucial. Find someone with whom you can talk, whether it be with a friend, pastor, therapist, or family member. If talking with strangers is more comfortable, find a grief support group in your community. Just finding that you are not alone is sometimes a big help. I  reached out to Pastor Gunnar Ledermann of the Divine Peace Church of Rockwall, Texas for his insight concerning death. I asked, “Do you recommend support groups, and if so, what is your experience with them and how they have helped those grieving?” He answered, “Yes, I do recommend Christian support groups who help people by giving them a place to vent their frustrations to those willing to listen and share the load of their burdens. The pitfall of many groups is that they are Christian in name, only in that, they attempt to help people by giving them a set of steps or rules by which they can improve their state of mind, but this only adds to someone’s burden. Rather, a Christian support group listens to those who are grieving, grieves with them and gives them the ultimate comfort that Jesus has overcome death by his resurrection. Those who hope in Jesus, do not have to fear death and get to look forward to being reunited with their loved ones in heaven.”

He sent me a copy of a sermon he gave at Easter time. Below is an excerpt:

“Jesus came to this world to suffer and die because that is what all of us do. All of us live in this world for a while, then we die. We die for the same reason we experience hardships in this world because of sin. Sin is evil, it is doing something that is bad. When someone does something bad, they deserve punishment. God tells us that the punishment he demands for sin is death. Death means separation from the living and death in sin means separation from God, but God doesn’t want us to be separated from him. God loves us, so he sent Jesus into this world to rescue us.

Jesus had to come into this world to suffer and die, but he didn’t do anything bad, he wasn’t sinful. Instead, he lived a perfect life, so he didn’t deserve to die. Because he didn’t deserve to die, he died as a sacrifice. He made a trade, one perfect life of the Son of God for all the sinful lives of mankind. That was the plan God revealed in his Word from the beginning and that is what Jesus did. God said that he would punish Jesus for our sins, then treat us as if we had lived Jesus’ perfect life. Credited with Jesus’ perfect life, we now appear good before God and look forward to resurrection and life.”

People who have lost someone need to hear this message. “This is the only message that is stronger than the pain that death causes. Jesus’ resurrection stopped the tears of the women. He showed them that they hadn’t lost him, but he had won them the victory over death. Jesus’ resurrection meant that those women would someday be resurrected and reunited to live with Jesus forever in heaven.

We cannot live in this world without Jesus. We cannot live without him in our lives or we are merely surviving until we die. When we remain connected to God’s Word, then we see what Jesus’ resurrection has done for us. Jesus has freed us from finding our only hope for life in this world. Jesus frees us from our sins and death so that we can live in this world at peace knowing that when we face death, it is not the end. Jesus told us that he would rise from the dead and so will you.”

After my father passed away, there were many times that I felt he was Guardian Angels are With Us Allwatching over me. I have had many dreams about my grandmother in which she is comforting me in times of stress. These experiences were strong and seemed so real. I asked Pastor Ledermann about guardian angels. He commented, “We all have angels guarding us at all times. They are God’s messengers who help us. They are a great comfort. The great comfort in Matthew 18 is also how passionate God is for all those who believe in him. He wants those who know him to remain faithful, so his cautions in this chapter are to remain faithful in the study of his Word, not to change his Word and not to lead others astray by changing his Word.”

In closing, it is normal to grieve and it is an important process one must go through in order to move on with life. Your loved one would want you to continue on and remember what was good and special about your relationship. God wants you to have faith you will be with them again someday.

P. S.  Divine Peace Church Rockwall is located at 305 S. Fannin St (the wedding chapel) in Rockwall, TX 75087. The website is: divinepeace.com. You can email Pastor Gunnar Ledermann at gunnar@divinepeace.com .

 

Diary of a Seasoned Life – Facts About Collectibles

There is frequent misuse of the terms antique, vintage, and collectibles by people who post things for sale on the internet or display things in antique malls and fairs. A large percentage of what we see are truly just second hand merchandise. I thought I would share some facts about collectibles and antiques and help clarify the differences.

Question:  Why do people collect things?

Answer:  There are many reasons a person desires to collect something and why they choose the items they collect. The most common reason is the type of item triggers emotions from a time or place, which is often from childhood. The items they desire to collect could remind them of the past and provides an avenue to relive that cherished time. Others may collect out of a need to have nice things to covet. There may have been a tragic event that triggers the need and having these newly acquired items comforts them.  Collectors have an appreciation for craftsmanship, quality, and historical significance. Many collectors learned the art of collecting and the thrill of the hunt from a friend or family member. In any case, collectors appreciate the process and are always keeping an eye out for that prized piece to help complete their collection.

Question:  What qualifies as a collectible?

Answer:  A collectible can be anything one desires to collect. They do not have to be old or vintage, but just a group of items a person acquires because they love them.

Question:  What is a true antique?

Answer:  The North American government considers a  “duty free” antique as items before 1830, carpets before 1700, string instruments before 1800, etc. These were periods before the machine age and made from hand craftsmanship. Other experts use the 100 year rule to classify an article as an antique. If an item has been restored, at least 60% of the item must be original to still be considered an antique. There are also three key factors that compose an antique, which are (1) Beauty, (2) Rarity, and (3) Historical Significance.

Question:  What is the difference between vintage and antique?

Answer:  The term vintage refers to post Victorian era items and can be desired collectibles. Most experts consider items up to 99 years old as “vintage” and antiques as 100+ years old.

There are so many categories of collectibles. You can name just about anything and someone or a group of people collect it! It is way more than just furniture, coins, stamps, and art. Some of the types of items that are expected to become more popular as a collectible in the near future are items related to photography, telephones, radios, and other “electronics”. The technology has changed so much over the decades that the older forms are becoming more extinct.

In photography, for example, when film became obsolete in the last couple of decades, the cameras of old became more desirable. A collector will want those early forms of cameras and photos to show the progress of the media and its equipment. Old cameras and photos of interesting subjects, especially if historically significant, will become increasingly more valuable in the future. Prices for these items are fairly attainable for beginning collectors, so now may be a good time to get one started. This same school of thought can apply to some of those other items, too.

Then there is the opposite side of collecting, which is knowing the value of items you have before you sell them. Dealers are going to garage sales and estate sales, as well as, watching listings for sale on the internet through Ebay and Craigs List. They are looking for items that people are selling that they can resell for a nice profit. Why should they be the only ones making money? If you have something that you are unsure about what it is or whether it has any value, it may be worth your time and trouble to do a little research. You can, of course, always contact someone like me who can appraise your items, but just a little research on the internet may give you enough information to know if something is of value.

For appraisal questions, you can ask a question in our Advice Column or contact me at seasonedlifetransitions@gmail.com .

Diary of a Seasoned Life – The Most Frequently Asked Medicare Questions

Did you know that nearly 10,000 people in the United States turn 65 each day? The total number should reach 83.7 million by 2018. This trend is expected to continue until 2030.

Since many seasoned life people are on Medicare or will be signing up within the next decade, I thought I would share some information from someone who knows much about the subject. Guadalupe “Lupe” Gonzales, a licensed independent insurance agent specializing in Life and Health insurance with clients in Rockwall, Dallas, Tarrant and Collin counties, is considered by many companies who serve seniors in Northeast Texas to be the local expert. Lupe and his wife Diane reside in Rockwall, Texas. He is also bilingual, an active member of his church and his community, several veteran’s organizations and a retired veteran of the United States Marine Corps.

Many people have the misconception that you are automatically enrolled once you turn 65. That is not correct. I asked Lupe when is the best time to start checking into enrolling in Medicare and any supplemental policies for the first time?

Answer:  “That is a vast question with many possible considerations. In a word, as early as a year is certainly not too soon.”

In researching for a little more information, I found that 3 months before your 65th birthday is the most recommended time. It allows for the time it takes for the enrollment to take effect with the most minimal time one may go without coverage. Some people who are still working at age 65 and receive other health insurance and are not taking social security payments, will want to look into holding off enrolling until beyond 65. It all depends on the insurance company and your group plan. Check with your agent or human resources manager.

Lupe said the most frequently asked question he receives concerning Medicare is, “WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO COMPLICATED?”

Answer:  “Knowing where to look and what questions to ask will focus your inquiry and may reduce the stress and make your life much easier. That being said, everyone at every stage of Medicare beneficiary status, to include those of us who care for loved ones, should consider their individual statuses and needs.  I believe these 7 tips that I included may be the most immediate concerning Medicare.”

Lupe’s 7 Tips for Simplifying Medicare
  1. Review your Medicare insurance plan yearly.
    1. Has your situation or that of your loved one’s living conditions recently changed?
    2. Has your financial situation or medical condition changed in the past year?
    3. Does your current plan meet your needs?
    4. Has my plan changed? If so, how?
    5. Is your doctor or that of your loved one going to continue accepting your current insurance plan?
  1. Review your prescription drug plan’s formulary, at least
    1. Even if you’re happy with your Medicare insurance plan, your prescription drug coverage may have changed. It is not uncommon for drug plans to add, modify or discontinue co-pays and coverage of some prescription drugs.
  1. Read all mailings from Medicare and your insurance plan.
    1. If you’re in a Medicare plan, your plan will send you a “Plan Annual Notice of Change” (ANOC) each fall. The ANOC includes any changes in coverage, costs, or service area that will be effective in January.
  1. The Annual Enrollment Period (a.k.a. “Open Enrollment Period”) is October 15th through December 7th.
    1. This is the annual period for enrollment, making changes to your Medicare Advantage Plan (Part C) and/or your Prescription Drug Plan (Part D).
    2. Medicare beneficiaries who have maintained (only) their Original Medicare
    3. (Parts A and/or B only) and have enrolled in an individual Part D, Prescription Drug Plan are also affected by this enrollment period. (See attached weblinks)
  1. If you are a Veteran you be eligible for additional healthcare options.
    1. Having both Medicare and the V.A. greatly broadens the veteran’s medical coverage and will give you broader coverage when it comes to the doctors, hospitals, and providers you can use.
    2. Veterans are entitled to use both VA and enrollment in a Medicare Advantage or stand-alone Prescription Drug plan. If you ever need to use a non-VA hospital or pharmacy, you’ll have more options available.
  1. If you are a caring for a loved one, get organized and be proactive.
    1. Is your loved one now receiving Low Income Subsidy (Extra Help)?
    2. Could they now qualify for Medicaid?
    3. Become familiar with basic Medicare terms, definitions and resources (see below web links)
    4. Locate your loved one’s insurance card, Social Security cards, medical documentation and have them readily available.
    5. Go online or contact a trusted insurance agent and setup an insurance review of any changes that may affect them. Most are happy to help.
  2. Helpful websites, links & phone numbers:

https://www.medicare.gov/Pubs/pdf/11034.pdf

http://eldercare.gov/Eldercare.NET/Public/Index.aspx

https://www.medicare.gov

https://www.medicaid.gov

http://benefits.va.gov/benefits/

https://explore.va.gov/health-care

http://www.mpmoaa.org/documents/TFL_Handbook_rev_08.pdf

http://www.aarp.org/health/medicare-qa-tool/does-medicare-work-with-veterans-coverage/

I hope this is helpful information. If you have more questions or need an insurance review, please reach out to Lupe. He can be contacted directly via email (GonzalesInsurance71@gmail.com) or by phone (972) 514-2160.

He also asked me to add the following disclaimer:

“I am a licensed and commission-paid insurance agent that represents the various carriers with whom I am contracted to represent. As a professional insurance agent, I do my best to answer all questions regarding Medicare plans however, I do not represent Medicare nor any of its affiliates. Furthermore, For the most up to date information I urge readers to refer to the attached links.”

Diary of A Seasoned Life – Taking on the Caregiver Role

What is a caregiver? According to the National Alliance for Caregiving, a caregiver is an unpaid individual involved in assisting others with activities of daily living and/or medical tasks. Formal caregivers are paid to provide these services.

Statistics from NAFC and AARP state that there were 43.5 million caregivers in 2015 and 75% were female. Of the number of male caregivers, 40% use paid caregiving services.  A much smaller percentage of women caregivers use a service and 57% report they do not have a choice in the matter, although admit much of the lack of choice is self-imposed. 43% feel it is their personal responsibility because no one else will do it or insurance will not pay for professional help. 12% report pressure from the care receiver and 8% report the pressure comes from other family members.

The average age of a caregiver is 49 years old and the loved one receiving the care averages an age of 69 years. Spouses of caregivers average an age of 62 years. The average number of years a person remains a caregiver is 4 years in duration. 40% of these caregivers are in high burden situations, too, spending over 21 hours per week caring for their loved one.

I reached out to Steve Hanson, President/Owner of Home Care Assistance in Rockwall, Texas for advice he could share with caregivers or people who are considering taking on the responsibility. He wrote a blog on his website: www.homecareassistancerockwall.com about the 7 Things to Consider Before Becoming a Family Caregiver.

  1. Your emotional & physical health
  2. Financial Implications
  3. Your relationship with your loved one
  4. Changes in Living Arrangements
  5. Accepting Support
  6. Time Constraints
  7. Your loved one’s special needs

I can tell you from my own personal experience in taking on the responsibility of caring for my 80 year old mother, this is all very true. Once I transitioned from caring for her while she was living in either a skilled nursing facility or assisted living to moving her into my home, the stress and burden was increased significantly. The affect on my own life has been at times overwhelming. I am one of the few female caregivers that made the decision to hire professional help. I do not believe I would have any sanity left, if I had tried to do all of it on my own.

I asked Steve about the importance of these “caregivers” to give themselves a break and what factors they should consider when deciding if hiring a care giving service is right for them. Steve said, “It starts with accepting that you cannot control the health effects of aging. Your parents will go through several changes and in most cases your roles are reversed. As they go through these changes, they may not always be aware of the impact they are having on you. More importantly, as you take on the caregiving role, you put your parents care before you and that is not healthy. Caregiver burnout is real!”

He offered the following information and advice:

Caring for the Caregiver is Very Important:

  • The Family Member feels the pressure of the added responsibly
  • Begins to try to do everything
  • Tries to balance family, work and caregiving
  • At first this works, but then as the care needs increase, signs of caregiver burnout become visible – Rushed, Stressed, Tired, Anxious, just to name a few
  • Caregiver Burnout is more common than you think:   46% of caregivers suffer from depression
  •  It can impact your health for many years  

The Five Leading Signs of Caregiver Burnout:   

  1. Less energy
  2. Sick and run down
  3. Exhausted even though you sleep
  4. Neglect your own needs because you’re too busy or don’t care anymore
  5. You feel helpless or hopeless

How to Care for Yourself While You Are Caregiving:

  1. Nap when our loved one naps-instead of cleaning or doing chores
  2. Stop at your favorite coffee shop-take 20 minutes to relax
  3. Take a deep breathe-a deep breathe can help relieve some anxiety and stress
  4. Go outside-fresh air does wonders to relieve stress
  5. Take some time off-get some relief, even if it is for an afternoon or evening
  6. Hire a caregiver to help share some or all of the responsibilities

I would also add that it is important to maintain your personal relationships, career, and hobbies. It is very easy to fall into a routine of daily care for the loved one that takes up the vast majority of the day. Day after day of this will be taxing on anyone. Your work and relationships will suffer just as much as you do personally. Do not be afraid to ask for help from a variety of sources that can include those other family members who put the pressure on for you to be the caretaker!

Hiring a caregiving service such as Home Care Assistance is definitely helped me be able to continue with my work and maintain personal time. You can hire a service like this, in most cases, for a minimum of 4 hours. They can come every day or just a few days. I have also discovered that some of the assisted living facilities have adult day care. This can be an option if you need to go on vacation or be out of town for work. If your loved one had the forethought to get long term care insurance, then much of the cost should be covered by the insurance company. If they did not, your sanity is worth the cost of whatever you or your loved one can afford.