Month: May 2017

Diary of a Seasoned Life – Adjusting to Having A Shared Home

Deciding to have a loved one move in often is often full of mixed emotions. You want to do what is best for the person who needs to relocate, but how will this change impact your home and you personally? The advice that I received from others was mostly supportive of the idea, but the opinion of one of my most valued role models, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, was against it. I will argue both sides and you can be the judge.

The positives of having your loved one at home is that you have more control over their care. You can manage their medications, activities, meals, and social life. They generally are happier being among family over strangers. The cost is less – even with in-home caregivers. You can spend more time with the loved one and create many more new memories.

The negatives are the added responsibility of managing that loved one’s care. If you try to be their primary caregiver without the help of professionals, you can easily exhaust yourself on a daily basis tending to the loved one’s needs. Your own personal time or time with other family members will be minimized. You also have to give up space in your home for this person to stay that will often involve incorporating their belongings with yours. In some cases, that may mean that other family members are inconvenienced in order to find the extra room.

Dr. Laura argues that one should give priority to their immediate family, spouse, and themselves. A caregiver’s responsibility should not involve sacrificing time and attention from spouses and children. She suggests that the caregiver’s responsibility is to find a proper place or caregiver service for the loved one to make sure their needs are being met. If the loved one cannot afford these places or services, they need to find the resources to help pay for it – even if that means the entire family of the loved one pitching in to help fund their care.

If you have read my previous blogs, you understand the reasons why I made the decision to move my mother in with me. I can understand and appreciate both sides of this argument. Mother has been in my home for a week and a half. The first week was a challenge and I started doubting my decision right off the bat. I had lived alone for most of my adult life, so adding anyone new to my household would require adjustment on my part. When you complicate that situation with a completely dependent housemate, I will not lie that I had to check my attitude a few times.

Even with 9.5 hours a day of help from an in-home caregiver service, I was finding most of my day being spent helping them with my Mom. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, doctors appointments, dressing, bedtime, medications, and an ongoing list of to do’s would occupy my day. I had very little time to do anything for myself. Mother had to adjust, as well. She had to realize that not every urge and want of hers needed to be performed by someone else right then and now. She needed to learn patience. She had to get used to the caregivers spending most of the day with her and understanding the necessity of their purpose. A routine needed to be established.

I am happy to say that once the first week was over, things have settled down substantially. I am able to let the caregivers do their thing with her and go off and do my work. Hence, a blog today!

Next week, is the big Life Event Sale at Mother’s home. I will be busy working that sale. If you are in the East Texas area, come check it out June 1-3.

Diary of a Seasoned Life – Evaluating In Home Caregivers

For the last two weeks, I have spent 12-16 hours a day packing and moving two houses into one. I have finished unpacking and decorating the new house that will combine the household of both my mother and myself. Even though I donated two carloads of household items and clothes to Goodwill, I still managed to have things for which I cannot find a good spot in the new house.

At the same time I have been unpacking, the handyman has been working on modifications to the home for Mom. He is building a ramp in the garage that will accommodate her wheelchair and allow her easy access to enter the home. The next project is her room and bathroom, which requires new flooring and fixtures. We hope to have most of it finished by end of week. I have planned to move Mother in Friday evening. The cost to make this home handicapped accessible is going to be close to $8000.

I am now interviewing in-home care givers, as well. This industry appears to be quite competitive since there were many choices to call in the area. I scheduled appointments with two companies that seem to offer the type of flexible service that Mother will require. The representatives appear to be very eager to help and their follow up has been excellent. The decision of which to choose is ultimately which company offers the service and care that best fits the needs of Mother.

The costs I have been quoted float around $21/hour with a 4 hour minimum. They will provide care givers for multiple shifts and 7 days a week, if needed. Doing the math, if one required 8 hours a day for 7 days a week, that runs $1176/week. On a 4 week month, that is $4704/mo. You will pay time and a half for holidays or overtime. A working family may need more than an 8 hour day. I expect to have a caregiver at least 9-10 hours a day, so that will push the numbers up to about $5500/mo. I know it sounds high, but considering that the assisted living situation costs almost $2000/mo. more and we had to pay a $4000 reservation fee, living at home will be a savings to Mom and a better quality of life.

In-home care assistance is just as much a need for the family caregiver as it is for the loved one that requires the care. The responsibility to help with a ill, handicapped, or memory-impaired person is huge. It can easily consume your life. Some people are able to handle the task on their own and do it well. For most, including me, it can be exhausting and time consuming. Occasional days of this work is doable, but every day would not enable one to have a life of their own, offer time to work, and add a tremendous amount of stress. It is important to enjoy your time with your loved one and keep your sanity.

For many, adjusting to life with a caregiver in the home will take some time. In the next coming blogs, I will write about the experience of this process.